Earl Smith, PhD
Chief@Dr-Smith.info
Dr-Smith.info
The Zen proverb is thousands of years old. It contains a fundamental truth. Those who choose to ignore it damage their lives and the lives of those around them. For, if you will not recognize what ‘obviously is’ as truth, then what is your life but a reflection of untruth?
In my mentoring work I often begin with a challenge. “Tell me who and where you are right now so that we can begin at that point.” First responses to that request are often confused. “What do you mean by who and where I am right now? I am me and I am here”. The words are spoken as if they really understand the meaning of the words who and where.
But, after a few sessions, most come to realize that they have misunderstood. When it comes to who, they tend to describe the avatar which they have created to represent who they are.As T.S. Eliot wrote in his poem the Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock, “To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet.” It soon becomes clear that such a manufactured reality is not really who they are, but a diversion designed to distract from who they fear they are. It all turns around a suspicion of self-bad-faith and a fear of being inadequate. To continue with Eliot,
No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—
Almost, at times, the Fool.
The pretense of the avatar separates you from knowing who you are and that is a form of suicide.
As to the where, most people start out thinking of that in terms of location. But the better way to look at it is, “where are you on your journey?” And that leads to a number of initially very difficult questions.
Are you moving along that journey?
Or have you stagnated?
If your life is a process, has it stalled?
What do you want out of your life?
Is your fear of moving forward keeping you from realizing it?
These, and many others, form the core of the working sessions which begin to generate real results. And sometimes moments of pure joy. “I didn’t realize that was who I was. You know, I’m a better person than I have been assuming.” I remember that response quite clearly. It was as if the door had suddenly opened and the questions of where and who began to come into focus.
One of the great diversions from knowing who and where is virtual reality. The avatar flourishes in virtual soil particularly when amongst strangers whose only connection is through some virtual world. You can be some great conqueror. Maybe an elf or troll. A great warrior who saves the kingdom. The leader of a massive army. And here is where that Zen proverb really starts to bite.
If you are so disconnected from who and where you really are, the “things that are just as they are” become meaningless. The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered,
“Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived”.
In some early year, you may have lost hold of the thread. The connection with your who and where. Re-grasping that thread can be a real challenge and involve a lot of heavy lifting. But it is a way to reconnect with your journey. And to be able to say with confidence, “This is who I am, and this is where I am on my journey”.
© Earl Smith
