Earl Smith, PhD
Chief@Dr-Smith.info
Dr-Smith.info
There is a saying in Zen Buddhism, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” I have found that to be true in my mentoring practice. Every life can be improved. Every person has unrealized potential. And, in a real sense, as a mentor, I empower my clients to see a possible future and believe it can be obtained. But the issue is not whether there is a future that can be obtained. It is whether the person is ready to see that such a future can be obtained.
It is true that a mentor is someone who allows you to see the hope inside yourself. But that involves you first opening your eyes so that you can see that hope. Someone might tell you that you should find a great mentor who believes in you and your life will change forever. But finding such a mentor is step two. Step one is believing in yourself and your ability to grasp that better future.
There are people who go through life with their eyes closed. And that makes it very difficult for them to see a better future. Others, once their eyes are open, become addicted to keeping them that way. One of my mentoring clients told me, “it’s been true in my life that when I’ve needed a mentor, the right person shows up.” That person’s strength is she is always open to discovering and reaching that better future – that better version of herself.
So, for the purpose of this piece, let’s assume that your eyes are open, and you are searching for a mentor. In my experience there are three kinds. And this in order of their increasing value. One kind of mentor, the mediocre type, will tell you what to do. This is by far typical of most mentors. Their one-size-fits-all approach to mentoring makes them more like dogmatic university professors than mentors.
The second type of mentor leads by example. They have done something successfully and attract clients who want to accomplish the same thing. For instance, a highly successful entrepreneur might get approached by budding entrepreneurs looking for mentoring. These mentors add real value to the extent that the objective of the client is outside of themselves. By that I mean an objective such as building a business. These mentors are providers of techniques, tactics, and strategies.
The third, and by far the most effective, type of mentor inspires clients to grow beyond themselves. And this often involves a journey of self-reflection and self-awareness. An example might help. I have worked with venture capitalists as an advisor to senior management teams that they have invested in. One investor asked me to look into a company where performance was lagging. The CEO had started off all gangbusters but was losing focus. After an initial interview, I agreed to work with him.
After about four months of intensive sessions, the CEO resigned, moved to St. Thomas, founded a sail boat rental business and married an island girl. I got a very angry phone call from the investor, who had been a longtime friend. “I asked you to help him regain his focus, not run him over the side.” The venture capitalist cut off all ties until, about six months later, he called me and offered lunch.
“I owe you an apology. I went to visit him in St. Thomas. He loves his life. He has become who he really was. And he’s the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet.”
I count that is one of my greatest achievements as a mentor. Repurposing a life toward a better future is the greatest contribution that one person can make to another. And, of course, there is a collateral benefit. A boat is mine whenever I want it!
In your search for a mentor, the first and most important step is to understand clearly what you’re looking for out of a mentoring relationship. Some are looking for the repetitive experience of moving from one mediocre mentor to another. They like the certainty and clarity that such mentors deliver. Others are looking to learn techniques, tactics, and strategies. And a third kind is looking to make the journey towards realizing the life that is there for them to live. None is better than the other. The only issue is what you are looking for in a mentor. Choose wisely.
